10 September 2008 12:00
Douglas, MI –- There is nothing quite like Inferno. In short, Inferno is the weeklong men’s Sm run sponsored by the Chicago Hellfire Club (CHC), but it is much more than that… it is an exploration of the fraternal bonds created by sadomasochism. It is also the time and space that defines the nature of my relationship with Derek and marks the anniversary of our first meeting. It is the environment in which we thrive, surrounded by those more like us than anywhere else. The past week has been an escape from the norm into another world.
At this, the closing of my third Inferno, I can’t help but think back to my first. I remember the trepidation and uncertainty that accompanied me to Inferno XXXV. I had no idea what to expect, if I’d fit or be accepted within the fold of this legendary event. I had just turned thirty-six and had only started topping in scene about five years earlier. My skills where modest at best… rough sex, fisting, water sports, sounds, light breath control, moderate impact play and intermediate bondage. Yeah, I know some of you reading might not consider that list too reserved, but in comparison to the men of Inferno I felt like a novice. Even with my passion for rope bondage I still hadn’t topped my first solo suspension scene.
All that apprehension dissipated as soon as I arrived on site though. Actually, just before I entered the compound, while I was waiting for registration when I saw Derek for the first time. He was Hot. He’s shorter than me and stocky. By stocky, I mean large for his size in a lean and muscular way. He has decent calves (he was wearing shorts), broad shoulders, rugged face and an amazing ass. He was oblivious to me as he rushed by and I noticed the patch sown to his Alpha flight jacket after checking out his back side. I get so distracted when a boy attracts my attention, I totally forgot about any insecurity I might have had.
I played like a kink starved sadomasochist on his first day in hell that Inferno. I had two scenes each day except Sunday during transition and at least one each night. I topped. I bottomed. And I kept my sights set on the boy I saw at registration even when I was told he was “out of my league” by one of the CHC members that caught me cruising Derek while in line for chow Friday morning. That comment must have set my resolve to a new level. I had two scenes with Derek that day and now consider the guy that made the comment among my closest friends in the club.
The following day I went to witness the group, hook ritual where participants are pierced with flesh hooks through the chest that are bound together with lengths of cord to facilitate a large group hook pull ritual. I watched Derek get pierced and knew I had to do it with him, so at the last moment I joined in. It was a perfect bonding moment for us. We kept to the side and played with the interchange of energy. I truly consider it the moment we bonded as a couple.
Last year, at Inferno XXXVI, we marked the anniversary with blood art. This year we returned to the hook pull, again keeping to the side and each other. It was so intense at one point I puked into my own mouth. It was beautiful and those of you reading that understand will know what I mean.
This year, like last year, Derek and I were focused mostly on each other and played, almost exclusively, together alone, with few exceptions. We closed our play at Inferno XXXVII the same way we closed our first together, with an inverted Shibari suspension and impact play. I topped the scene just as I had for my first solo rigging two years ago… this time without the safety strap.
Side Bar: Two years ago I decided to rig my first solo suspension, in full view of what could have been my most critical observers. I didn’t make it easy on myself either. I chose one of the riskiest and most difficult suspensions to rig, inverted by the ankles. I didn’t have the confidence in my rigging that I do now, so to reduce the risk of a serious falling injury if the rigging failed I set a safety strap. I can’t help but smile when I think back on the scene.
This would become a foreshadowing of things come. Inferno and the men of the Chicago Hellfire Club, especially Derek, have been formative to my development as a practitioner. They have helped expand my skills, build my confidence, shape my character and take my play to new levels.
I’m sad to see this year’s Inferno come to a close but I’m happy I had the chance to be here again with Derek and am already looking forward to Inferno XXXVIII.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys, Brotherhood, CHC, Events, Inferno
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28 April 2008 15:26
Seattle, WA –- The past few weeks have been filled with travel, opportunity and realization. First was the Leather Leadership Conference in San Francisco three weeks ago, then a trip to Chicago to shoot a PSA and finally Cleveland for CLAW.
In San Francisco, I got to see Midori, meet Steven Scarborough from Hot House, visit with the boys from Nasty Pig and hang with Thorn and the crew from Instigator Magazine. Thorn’s keynote address Saturday morning was exceptional; it addressed many of the core issues facing our community. The panel discussion that followed focused on engaging the next generation. Now there’s something I can get behind.
The following weekend, I flew into Chicago to see Derek. Together we worked on our up coming column for Instigator and shot a PSA geared toward our brothers in the SM/Leather community advocating in scene risk mitigation and safer sex practices. It was a great opportunity for the two of us to reconnect and focus on some of the things that are important to us. I’ll post more on the PSA in the next couple of months.
Then, last weekend we met up in Cleveland for CLAW. Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend is an excellent event, filled with social and educational opportunities. Derek and I volunteered to perform a rope suspension demonstration and present our “Needle Exchange” workshop. You can check out some photos from the workshop here.
I’ve mentioned all of these events here because as I look back on them I am filled with a sense of community and brotherhood. The events attracted and brought together artists, writers, publishers, pornographers, educators, organizers, volunteers and players all. They embody the qualities that define our community: responsibility, trust and sharing.
But let me make this clear: Just because you attend or rent space for a booth at the vendor market at one of these events does not make you a member of my community of family and friends. There is a history of oppression against us; our battle against what has been a devastating disease; and the politics of both in our recent collective memory. Those who prey on the insecurities of my brothers or purvey content that portrays and promotes blatantly unsafe practices are not welcome in my world.
My patience with the bareback studios is at an end. I’ve watched too many people die in the past. I am watching too many friends deal with the difficulties surviving with HIV and Hep-C in the here and now. I have seen too many twenty-somethings convert over the past few years to just standby. So if you see me at a vendor market and it seems my civility only thinly veils my open animosity toward the people associated with these studios, I trust those of you reading this will understand. I know this might come across as a little old school, but in my family we police our own and I’m done playing nice with people whose actions I find detestable.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, CLAW, Events, Leather Leadership Conference, Needles
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8 April 2008 23:48
Seattle, WA –- That’s my boy Jeff in Seattle at the Cuff Complex getting a buzz cut during the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence Ram It fundraiser last Friday night. Matt Hefel (pictured) and Rusty were there, providing the buzz cuts. Boris was bootblacking and Gene Romaine was flogging for cash. Jeff and I were just there to enjoy the evening and show off his new tattoo. Sometimes it’s nice to not be involved with an event and just have some fun.
And then there’s doing it with Jeff. I met Jeff last October and I still catch myself staring at him from across the room, the other side of a table or laying bed. I am that taken by his beauty. When he stands next to me I am consumed by his presence and when he nuzzles up against me I feel like the luckiest man in the room. I am happy he has become a part of my life. He has been welcomed into the fold of my family here in Seattle and has accepted his place with my boy Derek at my side.
I am truly blessed by the quality of character exhibited by the people with whom I share my life. Together we seem to attract those similar to our selves, like Johnny. On Saturday afternoon I had an opportunity to play with Johnny for the first time even though he has been an ancillary member of my core crew for quite some time. Johnny has an interest in needle play, experienced a scene with someone outside my circle and even volunteered for the Nature’s Wrath and Needles Scorned scene with my boy Derek during Northwest Sash Bash 2008.
For our scene together, I decided to attempt something new for the both of us… Needles for Bondage. I ran several series of 20, 19 and 18 gage rows of needles on Johnny’s chest, abdomen, thighs and wrists. Then bound those rows to my floating bondage table using heavy string. I’ve posted a gallery for your examination and intend to expand upon this theme in the near future.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Events, Needles, Sisters
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18 February 2008 13:41
San Francisco, CA –- What’s the best way to cap off a weekend at the GayVNs? Why, with a beating, of course.
After Derek and I checked out of the W, scheduled a shuttle to the airport and grabbed a bite to eat, we headed over to the Eagle. We got there before the beer bust started. It wasn’t very busy, so there was plenty of room. The Sisters were setting up for the fundraiser. The Bootblack was preparing his station. We staked out a space out back by the stage. Good elevation to put on a show.
The boy stripped to the waist and stood with no restraints and only a railing for support. The blows delivered with the Buffalo hide flogger were varied. Rhythms changed. The strikes danced across his back, thighs and ass a mix of thud and sting. Intensity builds and wanes then builds again. I put the whole of my body behind the blows. The only sight that will stop me is blood and tears.
Both came in time. No, the tears didn’t come from the blows alone; the boy is too much the pain pig for that response. No, his emotional state helps push him over the edge. Goodbyes are never easy, but I’ll work with that too. The Sadist and the Masochist, dancing together.
Some of those around us don’t know what to make of the scene. Others understand, “Love is Pain.”
I love you, boy.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys
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2 January 2008 13:54
Seattle, WA — My boy Derek was in town from late Friday night through the New Year. I was so happy to see him again and couldn’t imagine a better way to bring in 2008 save for one exception… I would have preferred Christopher had been able to join us New Year’s Eve. I’ve missed him this weekend and was looking forward to seeing him when he got off work last night.
Saying goodbye to Derek yesterday afternoon was tough, but we had a wonderful time together this weekend. The connection we share is of a nature I have never experienced before and I cherish the time we can spend together. We played a lot at home and talked for hours but also got plenty of social time in as well.
Saturday evening we joined brother Gene and his boy Mitch for Berry & Timm’s holiday party then out to the Cuff. The party was a blast and we made a spectacle of ourselves at the bar. I guess I’m an exhibitionist. I like to help create a show. I’m pretty sure that’s way I got into theater, one of the reasons I decided to do ‘art films’ and why I enjoy playing in semi-public environments. I love showing off the skills I’ve learned and get off on entertaining the people I care about.
Speaking of the people I care about, on Sunday Derek and I joined brother Odie and his boy Aaron for dinner then hooked up with Gene and his boy Mitch at the Cuff for what I like to call Mass with the Sisters on Coat Check. The six of us were trouble by the half-dozen. I love to play with my brothers, Gene and Odie. We talked about the future of SML, played with our boys and Odie put me out with a chokehold. While there my boy Rich who works security at the Cuff, gave me a gift bag containing lead weights and twelve, red & black wrist bands that say, “ragazzo del babbo’ for the boys.
Derek and I went to Max & Matisse’s party for New Year’s Eve and brought in 2008 by carving my initials in his chest (photos above). After waiting a while for the wounds to clot, we had a good punching scene punctuated with electrical blasts from the remote controlled dog-training collar. It was a heavy scene that left the boy rather fried and me quite drained. Odie & Aaron were playing next to us in the space, another display of heavy BDSM action. It was beautiful. It was the best New Years I’ve ever had thanks in large part to Max & Matisse.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys, Dragon Clan, Holidays
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22 December 2007 13:13
Seattle, WA — Testing the new floating bondage table went exceedingly well. I had promised first blood to Christopher (pictured right and below) and we finally had an opportunity to run a needle scene Thursday morning. The boy was excited and definitely in the right headspace.
After setting up I improvised a configuration to string weights from using bungee cords, four carabineers and a suspension ring. Typically, I’ve seen crib bars on bungee cords for this purpose, but the arrangement worked fine so there’s no immediate need to find another solution.
We ran about fifty needles all together starting with 25-gage and quickly working up to 19-gage. The weights were used to maintain stimulation until it was time to extract the needles and bring the scene to an end. As promised, Christopher’s blood was the first spilt on the new table. From the look on his face I will assume he was pleased.
Last night, Christopher was off so I took him to the Eagle. We had some fun entertaining the locals with a little rope work. Christopher looks good in an ebi (shrimp tie) on top a speaker.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys, Cell 305
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2 November 2007 21:48
Seattle, WA - Forgiveness comes easy when we love someone… maybe too easy. But when we care for someone, we want to believe they can do better. And when they make full allocution and ask for absolution, we are compelled by our heart to pardon and extend them a second chance.
Hell, let’s face it: boys are no angels. They make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. God knows I have made my share of mistakes and disappointed those I’ve loved on more than one occasion. I’ve learned from those experiences and those lessons have led to a better understanding and stronger character. I know my boys will fuck up at times. I don’t expect perfection. I can only offer my counsel and guidance, and trust that they will recognize them as opportunities for growth.
This doesn’t mean we must excuse every transgression. There have been boys I have had to separate from my life. There are some behaviors that are incompatible with my principles and actions that, when repeated, are simply intolerable. While I would welcome back any boy who has worn my collar, so long as those behaviors persist, they can be no part of my life. It does no good to coddle the boys with whom I’ve been involved. They are all strong willed and independent individuals. I would have it no other way. They choose either an existence that includes me or one that does not.
This week back in Seattle, I’m spending time to reconnect with some of my local boys. It’s been good. I’ve seen my Thai boy, TJ, and he’s pulling his life together. He has keep a good job at Starbucks and it seems he’s doing well. He’s been working out and still has a taste for rope. I’ve enjoyed his company and have asked him to accompany me to a bondage workshop on Sunday.
Last night I got to see Christopher again. I asked him to come over and cut my hair. Afterward, we went to Charlie’s for dinner and had a good conversation. He’s going through a rough time, torn between what he wants and what he’s willing to sacrifice. He asked for a scene and I gave it to him, stopping only when I was concerned the screams might attract attention. He broke down, apologized for hurting me and asked for my forgiveness. He has that and my sincere desire that he find happiness in his life. I hope I can be a part of it.
The composite photographs I’ve chosen for this post were taken over Labor Day weekend of Christopher, in my collar and the red & black wings of a fallen angel. The images epitomize much of what this post is about. The scene included my boy Derek from Chicago in addition to Christopher and myself. The three of us invested much in creating the spectacle. Christopher was flying high on endorphins by the time we arrived at the Cuff that Friday and quickly became the center of attention. Then the pain and blood at the end of the scene was so much like a price to pay.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys, Dragon Clan
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20 October 2007 11:22
Seattle, WA — Recent events have me thinking about blood. As I am sure you understand, blood is an essential compound of life as well as a powerful symbol of sexual and physical magic. In my opinion, scenes involving blood exemplify the highest level of intimacy and trust shared between those involved. Cutting, signal tailing, running needles on or fisting a boy are among the most intimate activities I do and each requires unprecedented trust.
Trust is the foundation of responsible BDSM activity. Those of us, who play on the edge, play at risk. Trusting that each person involved is doing his or her part to mitigate that risk is imperative. The sub must trust not just in the skill of the dom(s) but in their relationship with them as well. The top must trust in the bottom’s ability to communicate where they are with honesty and openness without hesitation or omission.
Intimacy is the end goal of these scenes for me. They are a means of connecting with someone on an uncommon level and of bonding in deep and moving ways. While the level of intimacy will vary from scene to scene and the nature of my relationship with the sub, it should come as no surprise I prefer scenes that involve people with whom I am already deeply connected.
Yesterday, one of my brothers, Gene told me he wanted to learn play piercing and asked if I would run a scene on him so he could experience it from the bottoms perspective. There is a great opportunity to make this happen tonight at a party hosted by Panther at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture. Unfortunately, I haven’t felt much like running needles on anyone lately. I’m not in the right head space given the issues I’m going through with Christopher. Luckily, Gene understands and will pull together a scene as soon as I get back to par.
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys, Dragon Clan
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18 October 2007 21:20
Seattle, WA — Yesterday, I took off for me. It was a good, productive day.
First order of business was a taxi ride down to the FedEx station to pick up the artwork shipped in from Chicago (pictured). It’s an impressive piece, six feet high and twelve feet wide. It is one of two pieces Derek and I created at Inferno back in September. The medium for both is blood on canvas. The one that now hangs in my Seattle apartment was created by placing Derek in full, pronated, horizontal, shibari suspension, running 22 gage IV Catheters in each forearm, letting him spin utilizing a Petzl Swivel and bleed out onto the canvas. For the second piece we ran 18 gage IV Catheters in each of my arms, let them bleed out as Derek helped smear it all over my body to then leave an impression on a smaller canvas. That piece now hangs in his home in Chicago. We’re such twisted fucks.
Also received my new autoclave, a Tuttnauer 1730 ValueKlave, yesterday. That evening I set it up in the kitchen and ran my first two batches of instruments. My urethral dilators and Van Buren sounds are now pouched and sterilized. I’m really happy to finally have an autoclave at home. It’s a lot easier then scheduling time to use my buddy’s at the piercing shop.
Safety First!
Tags: BDSM, Blood, Boys
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by Titan Media
by Titan Media
by Titan Media
by Titan Media
Douglas, MI –- There is nothing quite like Inferno. In short, Inferno is the weeklong men’s Sm run sponsored by the Chicago Hellfire Club (CHC), but it is much more than that… it is an exploration of the fraternal bonds created by sadomasochism. It is also the time and space that defines the nature of my relationship with Derek and marks the anniversary of our first meeting. It is the environment in which we thrive, surrounded by those more like us than anywhere else. The past week has been an escape from the norm into another world.
