Soldiers of Misfortune

3 November 2007 10:58

CagedSoldiers of MisfortuneSeattle, WA — Now available through Zeus Studios is the feature that marks my entrance into the world of adult films, Soldiers of Misfortune.

For this first time in front of the camera, I am teamed up with my Chicago boy Derek DaSilva, Cullen Cable and Zeus veteran Bryce Pierce to deliver a video packed with heavy BDSM that includes strict rope bondage, gut punching, chest pounding, cock and ball bashing, flogging, hot wax, and brutally hard core fucking. The action is real, brutal and intense.

Shot at the men’s resort Helios in Palm Springs back in May, this film holds special meaning to me for two reasons. Not only was it an opportunity to work with the legendary director Daddy Zeus whose movies helped inspire and define my taste for BDSM, it was on the set of SOM that I collared my boy Derek. If you look through the promotional stills, you’ll find a photo that captures the moment.

You can learn more about SOM and the Zeus BDSM Commando Series on the AVN web site by reading the article, Zeus BDSM Commando Series Set to Debut.

Mea Culpa

2 November 2007 21:48

MonsignoreMea CulpaSeattle, WA – Forgiveness comes easy when we love someone… maybe too easy. But when we care for someone, we want to believe they can do better. And when they make full allocution and ask for absolution, we are compelled by our heart to pardon and extend them a second chance.

Hell, let’s face it: boys are no angels. They make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. God knows I have made my share of mistakes and disappointed those I’ve loved on more than one occasion. I’ve learned from those experiences and those lessons have led to a better understanding and stronger character. I know my boys will fuck up at times. I don’t expect perfection. I can only offer my counsel and guidance, and trust that they will recognize them as opportunities for growth.

This doesn’t mean we must excuse every transgression. There have been boys I have had to separate from my life. There are some behaviors that are incompatible with my principles and actions that, when repeated, are simply intolerable. While I would welcome back any boy who has worn my collar, so long as those behaviors persist, they can be no part of my life. It does no good to coddle the boys with whom I’ve been involved. They are all strong willed and independent individuals. I would have it no other way. They choose either an existence that includes me or one that does not.

This week back in Seattle, I’m spending time to reconnect with some of my local boys. It’s been good. I’ve seen my Thai boy, TJ, and he’s pulling his life together. He has keep a good job at Starbucks and it seems he’s doing well. He’s been working out and still has a taste for rope. I’ve enjoyed his company and have asked him to accompany me to a bondage workshop on Sunday.

Last night I got to see Christopher again. I asked him to come over and cut my hair. Afterward, we went to Charlie’s for dinner and had a good conversation. He’s going through a rough time, torn between what he wants and what he’s willing to sacrifice. He asked for a scene and I gave it to him, stopping only when I was concerned the screams might attract attention. He broke down, apologized for hurting me and asked for my forgiveness. He has that and my sincere desire that he find happiness in his life. I hope I can be a part of it.

The composite photographs I’ve chosen for this post were taken over Labor Day weekend of Christopher, in my collar and the red & black wings of a fallen angel. The images epitomize much of what this post is about. The scene included my boy Derek from Chicago in addition to Christopher and myself. The three of us invested much in creating the spectacle. Christopher was flying high on endorphins by the time we arrived at the Cuff that Friday and quickly became the center of attention. Then the pain and blood at the end of the scene was so much like a price to pay.

Renewed Faith

29 October 2007 17:08

PersonalRenewed FaithChicago, IL — Saturday night at the [Undisclosed Location] was the best night out I’ve had in a long time. The three of us (Doug, Derek and myself) created quite a spectacle and were quickly joined by several others. While I refrain from detailing our activities, to protect the less than innocent, I will summarize with the phrase, “boys gone wild,” and let that suffice.

Sunday we lounged, met up with Doug for an early dinner, then Derek and I got some play in at the Hellfire Club. That boy is getting harder and harder to bruise. I’m very satisfied with my buffalo hide flogger from Happy Tails; it can carry a heavy thud or deliver an abrasive strike. I love the versatility. I also enjoyed the quirt I borrowed for Brother Gene; it was quite effective and left some nice marks.

This morning, Derek and I had some quiet time together before saying our goodbyes with my initials carved into his chest (again) and a little face punching.

Looking back, I am reminded that relationships, even the complicated ones, work when everyone involved is willing to make the investment. Seeing Derek again has raised my spirits; Doug shared himself and made me feel like I was home; and my friends in Chicago, old and new, helped renew my faith in the path of this journey I call my life.

I am happy I chose to make this trip and sad to be leaving. I’ll be back in Chicago for the Hellfire Club’s Associate Applicants Weekend in November. I’ll be missing my Chicago boys every moment until then.

Now, it’s time for yet another flight.

Leather Archives & Museum

27 October 2007 18:26

YouthLeather Archives & MuseumChicago, IL — Today, I had my first opportunity to visit the Leather Archives & Museum. This was a special treat for so many reasons, I’m glad I made the expense to fly in for the weekend.

The LA&M contains an amazing collection of art and artifacts portraying a glimpse into the history that defines a large part of who I am and the community with whom I have chosen to associate myself. My boy Derek received the invite to Joanne’s birthday celebration benefiting the LA&M and the Chicago Hellfire Club‘s McAdory Fund, among others. I thought of Dave Lewis as soon as I walked in and searched for the plaque bearing his name at the Box Office. Dave was a trusted friend and advisor…my “Daddy” in Seattle, if I ever had one. He was the founder of the Dragon Clan, my leather family, and its patriarch until he died. My connection to the LA&M began with him.

Derek and I met many familiar faces at the event, including cousin Rob and my nephew Joey the owners of the [Undisclosed Location], and numerous friends from the CHC, I soon hope to call Brothers. Jon Krongaard was there and gave us a “not many people” tour, including the archives and vault. In addition to the abundant exhibition of art on the walls, the LA&M displays a fantastic array of memorabilia from the likes of Tony DeBlase and an archive of posters and publications from events that shaped our understanding and epitomized our social construct. My favorites include the collections of Youth Physique and Straight to Hell magazines in the archive. I could spend hours exploring the LA&M; it is rich in the history that helps me understand my relationships and myself. I look forward to the day I discover art by Axel and Drub displayed and can’t help but wonder how many more people I know will contribute to these archives.

Derek and I bought some raffle tickets at the event. He won one of the lots, but I got an autographed copy of Steve Toushin‘s book, The Destruction of the Moral Fabric of America. I had a chance to meet and talk with Steve at Inferno this year and was impressed by the man, his courage in the face of the State’s totalitarian tendencies and his advice to Derek and I as we described our objectives in relation to our “Art Film” careers. I can’t wait to dig into the book on the plane trip back.

Tonight Derek, his beau Doug and I are going to dinner and the [undisclosed location]. Doug and Derek have both made this trip exceptional. I can see why Derek fell in love with Doug. He is a kind and understanding man with a playful, inquisitive and quiet disposition. I knew, I too, would love Doug the first time I met him. From our first meeting through Doug visiting Seattle form my birthday and my return to Chicago with Derek after Inferno, Doug has opened his relationship with Derek and himself to me. This trip has been no exception. I imagine there must be some trepidation on Doug’s part, but he has made me fell welcome, valued and love. I’m looking forward to the three of us spending more time together.

Trust, Intimacy & Blood

20 October 2007 11:22

BloodTrust, Intimacy & BloodSeattle, WA — Recent events have me thinking about blood. As I am sure you understand, blood is an essential compound of life as well as a powerful symbol of sexual and physical magic. In my opinion, scenes involving blood exemplify the highest level of intimacy and trust shared between those involved. Cutting, signal tailing, running needles on or fisting a boy are among the most intimate activities I do and each requires unprecedented trust.

Trust is the foundation of responsible BDSM activity. Those of us, who play on the edge, play at risk. Trusting that each person involved is doing his or her part to mitigate that risk is imperative. The sub must trust not just in the skill of the dom(s) but in their relationship with them as well. The top must trust in the bottom’s ability to communicate where they are with honesty and openness without hesitation or omission.

Intimacy is the end goal of these scenes for me. They are a means of connecting with someone on an uncommon level and of bonding in deep and moving ways. While the level of intimacy will vary from scene to scene and the nature of my relationship with the sub, it should come as no surprise I prefer scenes that involve people with whom I am already deeply connected.

Yesterday, one of my brothers, Gene told me he wanted to learn play piercing and asked if I would run a scene on him so he could experience it from the bottoms perspective. There is a great opportunity to make this happen tonight at a party hosted by Panther at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture. Unfortunately, I haven’t felt much like running needles on anyone lately. I’m not in the right head space given the issues I’m going through with Christopher. Luckily, Gene understands and will pull together a scene as soon as I get back to par.

Performance Art & Safety

18 October 2007 21:20

CagedPerformance Art & SafetySeattle, WA — Yesterday, I took off for me. It was a good, productive day.

First order of business was a taxi ride down to the FedEx station to pick up the artwork shipped in from Chicago (pictured). It’s an impressive piece, six feet high and twelve feet wide. It is one of two pieces Derek and I created at Inferno back in September. The medium for both is blood on canvas. The one that now hangs in my Seattle apartment was created by placing Derek in full, pronated, horizontal, shibari suspension, running 22 gage IV Catheters in each forearm, letting him spin utilizing a Petzl Swivel and bleed out onto the canvas. For the second piece we ran 18 gage IV Catheters in each of my arms, let them bleed out as Derek helped smear it all over my body to then leave an impression on a smaller canvas. That piece now hangs in his home in Chicago. We’re such twisted fucks.

Also received my new autoclave, a Tuttnauer 1730 ValueKlave, yesterday. That evening I set it up in the kitchen and ran my first two batches of instruments. My urethral dilators and Van Buren sounds are now pouched and sterilized. I’m really happy to finally have an autoclave at home. It’s a lot easier then scheduling time to use my buddy’s at the piercing shop.

Safety First!

Integrity, Fidelity & Service

16 October 2007 11:07

MineIntegrity, Fidelity & ServiceSeattle, WA — People often ask me what the collar around my boy’s neck means. Collars mean different things to different people and are wore for a variety of reasons, but I can share with you what it means to me, what it represents to my family, and what we hope to convey to our broader communities.

My collar is a symbol of the special relationship I share with the boy wearing it. It is the representation of a relationship built upon the principals of integrity, fidelity and service to oneself, our family and community of friends. It is as much a reminder to me as it is to him of the commitments we have made to each other.

Any boy who wears one of my collars understands that personal integrity is the foundation of this commitment. He must at all times adhere to the highest of moral principals. This begins by being honest with himself and those of us around him. There is no compromise on this point. The truth cultivates trust and any lie or omission that steals the truth, diminishes that trust.

Loyalty and faithfulness to one’s word through action are the hallmarks of fidelity. This isn’t about buying into some heterosexual social construct of faithfulness; I don’t ask that my boys are monogamous. I do, however, expect them to be true to their word, maintain their commitments and remain fiercely loyal to their convictions and our family.

I think it is also important to point out that the collar is a traditional symbol of a service relationship. I was brought into the BDSM community by what most would consider an old guard family and my family now, while changing with the times, shares many of the common values embodied by that history and tradition. With that said, I encourage a sense of service in my boys. I expect them to service themselves first, through hard work, training, education, creative expression and community involvement. Next, I expect them to service our relationship and family by investing their time and energies. Then, together, we contribute our talents to organizations that support our broader community.

Even among the boys who have sought to wear my collar, few have had the wherewithal to live up to these expectations and even fewer have gotten past a collar of consideration (a trial period). But for those who do, in addition to these commitments from me, they are given offered my guidance and protection as well as the support of my entire family.

I have been truly blessed by my relationship with Derek. He is my alpha boy in every respect. Over the course of the past year plus, he has earned a special honor. The collar he wears is one with history. It is the collar I earned and wore years ago as I began my journey and had the value of these principals instilled in me.

Out for the World to See

10 October 2007 11:10

CagedOut for the World to SeeSeattle, WA — Got home from Dallas to find an advance copy of the film Derek and I did for Daddy Zeus in the mail and stills from Fear posted online.

The film, Solders of Misfortune, is better than I expected. The BDSM is intense and visually impressive. As my first time in front of the camera, my overall performance has a certain amateur quality. It seems to work well though. I’m happy I was paired with Derek for my first couple of videos; our connection comes across on screen and it made the shoots much more comfortable. Solders of Misfortune should be available soon. I let you know as soon as I hear.

Thanks to a buddy on-line, I was pointed to a GaySexBlog posting that featured some of my stills from Fear. Brian Mills did the shots. He’s a skilled photographer in addition to an accomplished director. He’s also one of my favorite people to work with. Check out Titan Gets Buff if you want to see the pictures.

Goodbyes Are Never Easy

7 October 2007 17:34

MineGoodbyes Are Never EasyDallas, TX — The candid photo taken at the Eagle last Fri proves my boy Derek and I do share the occasional tender moment. We’ve also had the time to visit with old friends (like Joey & Rob from Chi town; “Mama” Reinhardt of San Francisco; and, Mister Marcus) and make new friends (like Mark Frazier the owner of the Dallas Eagle; and, Gloria from Canada).

Coming off our working weekend at Folsom, however, our play has been pretty intense; I’ve been beating him almost non-stop since we arrived and he’s been glowing like the happy, little pain slut he is. The play has been heavy enough, apparently, to raise at least one pair of eyebrows. One of the attendees was overheard talking about how offended they were by the “abusive” nature of our relationship. I’m not surprised by the fact some people don’t get it; this thing of ours isn’t for everyone. I guess it’s a good thing that guy didn’t see our touching goodbyes.

Leaving each other to return to our respective hometowns is always one of the most difficult things Derek and I have to get through. Sometimes I’ll mark the moment by carving my initials in his chest. This time Derek had another idea. He put his mouth guard in and I face punched him dizzy. It was a good headspace for both of us as we left for the airport.

Speaking of which, I need to catch a plane.

Leather Sir/boy

6 October 2007 16:31

CagedLeather Sir/boyDallas, TX – Arrived yesterday and was joined by my boy Derek for the 2008 International Leather Sir/boy and Community Bootblack Contests weekend, primarily to support one of my Brothers, Odie, as he competes for the Leather Sir title.

This particular weekend is a celebration of two things close to my heart: the special nature of Sir/boy relationship; and, the importance of preserving and promoting the bootblacking art. It also gives Derek and I an opportunity to reconnect in an environment that includes many of our friends from around the country. Since we don’t have any official obligations, it’s already been a good chance for us to do our own thing and spend some quality time.