Integrity, Fidelity & Service

16 October 2007 11:07

MineIntegrity, Fidelity & ServiceSeattle, WA — People often ask me what the collar around my boy’s neck means. Collars mean different things to different people and are wore for a variety of reasons, but I can share with you what it means to me, what it represents to my family, and what we hope to convey to our broader communities.

My collar is a symbol of the special relationship I share with the boy wearing it. It is the representation of a relationship built upon the principals of integrity, fidelity and service to oneself, our family and community of friends. It is as much a reminder to me as it is to him of the commitments we have made to each other.

Any boy who wears one of my collars understands that personal integrity is the foundation of this commitment. He must at all times adhere to the highest of moral principals. This begins by being honest with himself and those of us around him. There is no compromise on this point. The truth cultivates trust and any lie or omission that steals the truth, diminishes that trust.

Loyalty and faithfulness to one’s word through action are the hallmarks of fidelity. This isn’t about buying into some heterosexual social construct of faithfulness; I don’t ask that my boys are monogamous. I do, however, expect them to be true to their word, maintain their commitments and remain fiercely loyal to their convictions and our family.

I think it is also important to point out that the collar is a traditional symbol of a service relationship. I was brought into the BDSM community by what most would consider an old guard family and my family now, while changing with the times, shares many of the common values embodied by that history and tradition. With that said, I encourage a sense of service in my boys. I expect them to service themselves first, through hard work, training, education, creative expression and community involvement. Next, I expect them to service our relationship and family by investing their time and energies. Then, together, we contribute our talents to organizations that support our broader community.

Even among the boys who have sought to wear my collar, few have had the wherewithal to live up to these expectations and even fewer have gotten past a collar of consideration (a trial period). But for those who do, in addition to these commitments from me, they are given offered my guidance and protection as well as the support of my entire family.

I have been truly blessed by my relationship with Derek. He is my alpha boy in every respect. Over the course of the past year plus, he has earned a special honor. The collar he wears is one with history. It is the collar I earned and wore years ago as I began my journey and had the value of these principals instilled in me.

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