Associate Applicant Weekend

12 November 2007 11:45

MineAssociate Applicant WeekendChicago, IL — Another wonderful weekend in the windy city comes to a close. Chicago now feels like a second home thanks to my boys and the men of the Chicago Hellfire Club (CHC). I hate to leave, but it has been a full and exciting several days.

Thursday I found some time to catch up on some reading and correspondence. That night Doug, Derek and I went out to diner and then to the Cellblock. At the bar we ran into two CHC members that were instrumental to running Inferno and had a great time visiting with them before the weekend’s festivities would place so many demands on our time.

Friday night brought the Meet & Greet and Play Party at the clubhouse. It was an opportunity to meet the applicant class of 2007 and reconnect with old friends, far too numerous to recount in this post. That evening Derek and I got a chance to execute the dynamic suspension scene I’ve mentioned in previous posts. It’s a bit of a showy scene that probably attracted more attention than necessary, but I was eager to share the experience with Derek and needed to do so while he was still fresh given the demands of the scene. It went off without any complications and Derek, manipulating himself within the confines of the rigging, was truly a beautiful sight to behold. There were many comments and inquiries about the scene through the weekend. I appreciated each and did my best to answer the questions, reiterating much of the information I included in my last post.

Saturday night Doug joined Derek and I for the CHC Banquet. I felt so proud having the two of them at my side. There is something very special shared by the three of us. I’ve written at length about my bond with Derek but it is Doug that makes it possible. Over the course of the past several months, it has been Doug’s outreach and caring that has given me the strongest sense of family here in Chicago. I love him for that and so many other reasons. I’d kill for that boy.

After the banquet, Derek and I attended the play party at the clubhouse. The dungeon was packed with play spilling over into the social area downstairs. At times the wait for stations was three deep. It is encouraging to witness so much play, the sights and sounds of this thing of ours filling space. In time, Derek and I secured a floating bondage table for a scene of our own. It was the first time I tied him down for a CBT scene. I’ve been pushing him further lately. Watching him squirm and writhe has been filling me with great pleasure.

Later that night, or more accurately, early Sunday morning we went to the [Undisclosed Location] where I had the distinct joy of finally meeting Thorn, the editor-in-chief of Instigator Magazine (pictured above). Thorn is a uniquely twisted fuck and entertaining character to say the very least. I liked him immediately and haven’t laughed so much in months.

Yesterday afternoon I gave Derek a good lashing at the last play party of the weekend. We said our goodbyes to friends; happy to hear we would be seeing many of them over MAL and IML next year. Then, a quiet evening at home with Doug watching a movie (Bully).

As I write this entry, the boys are off to work and I am left to pack and head off to the airport. I miss them both already, with a passion that brings tears to my eyes. It will be a month before a get to see them again and I will be counting the days.

Continuing a Theme

7 November 2007 16:16

MonsignoreContinuing a Theme32-Thousand Feet — Yesterday’s primary focus was a continuance on the theme of my last journal entry. My rubber boy Eric drove me down to TwistedMonk‘s workshop here in Seattle to pick up two more pieces of thirty-six foot length, 8 mm crimson hemp. Witnessing and experiencing the dynamic suspension scenes at the house party on Saturday, I realized I needed more rope to facilitate the rigging. Value add: now I can tie four boys to a post at the [Undisclosed Location] in Chicago.

I was lucky enough to run into Monk on his way out for lunch I assume, as it was midday. I was thrilled when he came back into the shop with me as NerdyGirl finished up my order. They are amazing and they treat me very well. I got to talk to Monk about the scenes this past weekend and snap the photo above in front of his logo.

As it relates to dynamic suspension scenes, Monk reminded me, and I will reiterate for your edification, to be mindful of the Musculocutaneous nerve of the arm. Any bondage that involves the superior limbs has the potential of applying pressure on this nerve. Suspension, especially dynamic suspension, may apply extreme pressure on this nerve. Damage to this nerve might cause numbness and/or loss of feeling for days, weeks, months or the remainder of the sub’s life. The top must avoid placing the ropes over any point that will exacerbate this pressure and frapping between the arms and torso used the hold the harness in place across the chest should be tied off separate from the suspension lines to avoid tightening under load. I will add that subs should be directed to provide appropriate feedback relating to sensations of cold/heat, tingling, poor circulation or numbness in the distal superior extremities.

Monk also suggested that additional attention should be given to the stirrup bindings around each foot and ankle, which is why I was at the shop. Enough line should be used to provide a secure and (relatively) comfortable support rigged directly to the suspension point. I’ll be using the new thirty-six foot lengths to accomplish this task.

Since this entry has touched so much on mitigating the risks associated with dynamic suspension bondage, I’ll also urge you to remember the basics, like having EMT sheers on-hand to cut the rope if necessary in the case of emergency. And, before any you start thinking it’s time to give dynamic suspension a try for yourself, please note: the scene described above should only be attempted by experienced players. Riggers should be familiar with advanced suspension techniques, capable of managing complex, changing scenes and adept at monitoring multiple elements within the scene simultaneously. Subs must be in excellent physical condition, practiced in rope bondage (including partial and full suspension) and competent to recognize indications of potential risks and provide appropriate feedback throughout the scene.

After visiting with Monk, Eric and I stopped by Outdoor Research to purchase two additional locking carabineers. My primary rope kit now includes:

1 – 8 foot length of 2-inch Black Nylon Webbing
1 – Lewmar 40mm Racing Triple Block with Cam & Becket
1 – Lewmar 40mm Racing Triple Block
1 – 95 foot length of TwistedMonk 8 mm Crimson Hemp
1 – 50 foot length of TwistedMonk 8 mm Crimson Hemp
4 – 36 foot length of TwistedMonk 8 mm Crimson Hemp
2 – 18 foot length of TwistedMonk 8 mm Crimson Hemp
4 – 12 foot length of TwistedMonk 8 mm Crimson Hemp
1 – 10 foot length of TwistedMonk 4 mm Crimson Hemp
2 – 5 foot length of TwistedMonk 4 mm Crimson Hemp
1 – Petzl Swivel S
6 – Mammut Mythos Aluminum Screw Gate Locking Carabineer
2 – Mammut Element Aluminum Bent Gate Carabineer
1 – Aluminum Suspension Ring
1 – Rigging Knife with Locking Blade & Marlin’s Pike
1 – Pair EMT Sheers with Red Handles
1 – Gerber Multi-Tool
1 – Mini MagLite Flashlight, Red Anodized

I intend to put it all to good use this weekend. I’ll be landing in Chicago shortly. I’m primarily back to attend the Chicago Hellfire Club’s Associate Applicant Weekend events. I have solicited sponsorship, submitted my application, been read & published, will be reviewed by the membership committee this evening and should come up for vote this Monday.

A Taste for Rope

5 November 2007 23:19

MonsignoreA Taste for RopeSeattle, WA — This past weekend had a distinct theme… Rope. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself immensely.

Saturday night I went to a house party hosted by Matisse and Max. This was my first opportunity to attend one of their parties and I was quite eager about seeing everyone. Many of my favorite people were there and it was good to catch up with them, swapping stories and exchanging ideas.

I took a new boy, Jeff to the party and he seemed to have a good time as well. He had never been in bondage before and I was lucky enough to provide his first time in rope. I love the excitement generated by someone’s first experience in rope bondage. We performed a partial suspension scene with an Arm & Chest (Ushirote Munenawa) harness and single bound ankle. I knew Jeff had developed a taste for the rope when he, like so many boys (including myself when first put in this posture), kicked his free leg up over the tied limb placing him self in full suspension. He told me later he was a little sad when the ropes were removed.

Later that evening, Monk, of TwistedMonk.com, performed a scene with one of Miss Candie’s girls the demonstrated elements of the newer dynamic suspension Shibari that’s coming out of Japan. The rigging allows the sub a vibrant array of movement while suspended including planks, flips and rotations. It is an extremely impressive sight to behold. When Monk was finished and had a moment to catch his breath I asked if he would give me the honor of bottoming to him in the scene. He granted my request and I stripped down.

It had been far too long since I had been in suspension. I relished every moment. My breathing slowed and the headspace came as Monk ran the rope over my body. I was home in the safe and trusted hands of an expert. I stayed focused, providing feedback and following instructions while trying to analyze the rigging for future application. Then I got to play in suspension like I have never played before. Under Monk’s watchful supervision, I flipped and planked, found my resting point, tangled and untangled the rigging. While I’m no five foot, seven inch tall, 113-pound gymnast, dancer, it was still amazing. I can’t wait to share the experience with Derek, the only boy I know that might be physically and mentally prepared for the challenge.

On Sunday I attended Max’s Bondage for Sex workshop at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture. I took my Tai boy TJ to serve as my stunt bottom for the practical application portions of the course. The class was well attended with many familiar faces and very informative. Although I will admit to spending most of the time figuring out how to modify the techniques to my own style, I’m sure Max wouldn’t mind. Afterward, Matisse asked us to join the crew for dinner at a Chinese restaurant in Fremont. I love breaking bread with kinky folk. The conversation is always so entertaining.

Tonight I’m spending time with my boy Christopher. We talked at length, reconnecting at a level that hasn’t been possible for some time and now we’re watching the Daily Show. Later, we’ll sleep together for the first time in weeks. I’m happy to have him back.

Soldiers of Misfortune

3 November 2007 10:58

CagedSoldiers of MisfortuneSeattle, WA — Now available through Zeus Studios is the feature that marks my entrance into the world of adult films, Soldiers of Misfortune.

For this first time in front of the camera, I am teamed up with my Chicago boy Derek DaSilva, Cullen Cable and Zeus veteran Bryce Pierce to deliver a video packed with heavy BDSM that includes strict rope bondage, gut punching, chest pounding, cock and ball bashing, flogging, hot wax, and brutally hard core fucking. The action is real, brutal and intense.

Shot at the men’s resort Helios in Palm Springs back in May, this film holds special meaning to me for two reasons. Not only was it an opportunity to work with the legendary director Daddy Zeus whose movies helped inspire and define my taste for BDSM, it was on the set of SOM that I collared my boy Derek. If you look through the promotional stills, you’ll find a photo that captures the moment.

You can learn more about SOM and the Zeus BDSM Commando Series on the AVN web site by reading the article, Zeus BDSM Commando Series Set to Debut.

Mea Culpa

2 November 2007 21:48

MonsignoreMea CulpaSeattle, WA – Forgiveness comes easy when we love someone… maybe too easy. But when we care for someone, we want to believe they can do better. And when they make full allocution and ask for absolution, we are compelled by our heart to pardon and extend them a second chance.

Hell, let’s face it: boys are no angels. They make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. God knows I have made my share of mistakes and disappointed those I’ve loved on more than one occasion. I’ve learned from those experiences and those lessons have led to a better understanding and stronger character. I know my boys will fuck up at times. I don’t expect perfection. I can only offer my counsel and guidance, and trust that they will recognize them as opportunities for growth.

This doesn’t mean we must excuse every transgression. There have been boys I have had to separate from my life. There are some behaviors that are incompatible with my principles and actions that, when repeated, are simply intolerable. While I would welcome back any boy who has worn my collar, so long as those behaviors persist, they can be no part of my life. It does no good to coddle the boys with whom I’ve been involved. They are all strong willed and independent individuals. I would have it no other way. They choose either an existence that includes me or one that does not.

This week back in Seattle, I’m spending time to reconnect with some of my local boys. It’s been good. I’ve seen my Thai boy, TJ, and he’s pulling his life together. He has keep a good job at Starbucks and it seems he’s doing well. He’s been working out and still has a taste for rope. I’ve enjoyed his company and have asked him to accompany me to a bondage workshop on Sunday.

Last night I got to see Christopher again. I asked him to come over and cut my hair. Afterward, we went to Charlie’s for dinner and had a good conversation. He’s going through a rough time, torn between what he wants and what he’s willing to sacrifice. He asked for a scene and I gave it to him, stopping only when I was concerned the screams might attract attention. He broke down, apologized for hurting me and asked for my forgiveness. He has that and my sincere desire that he find happiness in his life. I hope I can be a part of it.

The composite photographs I’ve chosen for this post were taken over Labor Day weekend of Christopher, in my collar and the red & black wings of a fallen angel. The images epitomize much of what this post is about. The scene included my boy Derek from Chicago in addition to Christopher and myself. The three of us invested much in creating the spectacle. Christopher was flying high on endorphins by the time we arrived at the Cuff that Friday and quickly became the center of attention. Then the pain and blood at the end of the scene was so much like a price to pay.

Renewed Faith

29 October 2007 17:08

PersonalRenewed FaithChicago, IL — Saturday night at the [Undisclosed Location] was the best night out I’ve had in a long time. The three of us (Doug, Derek and myself) created quite a spectacle and were quickly joined by several others. While I refrain from detailing our activities, to protect the less than innocent, I will summarize with the phrase, “boys gone wild,” and let that suffice.

Sunday we lounged, met up with Doug for an early dinner, then Derek and I got some play in at the Hellfire Club. That boy is getting harder and harder to bruise. I’m very satisfied with my buffalo hide flogger from Happy Tails; it can carry a heavy thud or deliver an abrasive strike. I love the versatility. I also enjoyed the quirt I borrowed for Brother Gene; it was quite effective and left some nice marks.

This morning, Derek and I had some quiet time together before saying our goodbyes with my initials carved into his chest (again) and a little face punching.

Looking back, I am reminded that relationships, even the complicated ones, work when everyone involved is willing to make the investment. Seeing Derek again has raised my spirits; Doug shared himself and made me feel like I was home; and my friends in Chicago, old and new, helped renew my faith in the path of this journey I call my life.

I am happy I chose to make this trip and sad to be leaving. I’ll be back in Chicago for the Hellfire Club’s Associate Applicants Weekend in November. I’ll be missing my Chicago boys every moment until then.

Now, it’s time for yet another flight.

Leather Archives & Museum

27 October 2007 18:26

YouthLeather Archives & MuseumChicago, IL — Today, I had my first opportunity to visit the Leather Archives & Museum. This was a special treat for so many reasons, I’m glad I made the expense to fly in for the weekend.

The LA&M contains an amazing collection of art and artifacts portraying a glimpse into the history that defines a large part of who I am and the community with whom I have chosen to associate myself. My boy Derek received the invite to Joanne’s birthday celebration benefiting the LA&M and the Chicago Hellfire Club‘s McAdory Fund, among others. I thought of Dave Lewis as soon as I walked in and searched for the plaque bearing his name at the Box Office. Dave was a trusted friend and advisor…my “Daddy” in Seattle, if I ever had one. He was the founder of the Dragon Clan, my leather family, and its patriarch until he died. My connection to the LA&M began with him.

Derek and I met many familiar faces at the event, including cousin Rob and my nephew Joey the owners of the [Undisclosed Location], and numerous friends from the CHC, I soon hope to call Brothers. Jon Krongaard was there and gave us a “not many people” tour, including the archives and vault. In addition to the abundant exhibition of art on the walls, the LA&M displays a fantastic array of memorabilia from the likes of Tony DeBlase and an archive of posters and publications from events that shaped our understanding and epitomized our social construct. My favorites include the collections of Youth Physique and Straight to Hell magazines in the archive. I could spend hours exploring the LA&M; it is rich in the history that helps me understand my relationships and myself. I look forward to the day I discover art by Axel and Drub displayed and can’t help but wonder how many more people I know will contribute to these archives.

Derek and I bought some raffle tickets at the event. He won one of the lots, but I got an autographed copy of Steve Toushin‘s book, The Destruction of the Moral Fabric of America. I had a chance to meet and talk with Steve at Inferno this year and was impressed by the man, his courage in the face of the State’s totalitarian tendencies and his advice to Derek and I as we described our objectives in relation to our “Art Film” careers. I can’t wait to dig into the book on the plane trip back.

Tonight Derek, his beau Doug and I are going to dinner and the [undisclosed location]. Doug and Derek have both made this trip exceptional. I can see why Derek fell in love with Doug. He is a kind and understanding man with a playful, inquisitive and quiet disposition. I knew, I too, would love Doug the first time I met him. From our first meeting through Doug visiting Seattle form my birthday and my return to Chicago with Derek after Inferno, Doug has opened his relationship with Derek and himself to me. This trip has been no exception. I imagine there must be some trepidation on Doug’s part, but he has made me fell welcome, valued and love. I’m looking forward to the three of us spending more time together.

Trust, Intimacy & Blood

20 October 2007 11:22

BloodTrust, Intimacy & BloodSeattle, WA — Recent events have me thinking about blood. As I am sure you understand, blood is an essential compound of life as well as a powerful symbol of sexual and physical magic. In my opinion, scenes involving blood exemplify the highest level of intimacy and trust shared between those involved. Cutting, signal tailing, running needles on or fisting a boy are among the most intimate activities I do and each requires unprecedented trust.

Trust is the foundation of responsible BDSM activity. Those of us, who play on the edge, play at risk. Trusting that each person involved is doing his or her part to mitigate that risk is imperative. The sub must trust not just in the skill of the dom(s) but in their relationship with them as well. The top must trust in the bottom’s ability to communicate where they are with honesty and openness without hesitation or omission.

Intimacy is the end goal of these scenes for me. They are a means of connecting with someone on an uncommon level and of bonding in deep and moving ways. While the level of intimacy will vary from scene to scene and the nature of my relationship with the sub, it should come as no surprise I prefer scenes that involve people with whom I am already deeply connected.

Yesterday, one of my brothers, Gene told me he wanted to learn play piercing and asked if I would run a scene on him so he could experience it from the bottoms perspective. There is a great opportunity to make this happen tonight at a party hosted by Panther at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture. Unfortunately, I haven’t felt much like running needles on anyone lately. I’m not in the right head space given the issues I’m going through with Christopher. Luckily, Gene understands and will pull together a scene as soon as I get back to par.

Performance Art & Safety

18 October 2007 21:20

CagedPerformance Art & SafetySeattle, WA — Yesterday, I took off for me. It was a good, productive day.

First order of business was a taxi ride down to the FedEx station to pick up the artwork shipped in from Chicago (pictured). It’s an impressive piece, six feet high and twelve feet wide. It is one of two pieces Derek and I created at Inferno back in September. The medium for both is blood on canvas. The one that now hangs in my Seattle apartment was created by placing Derek in full, pronated, horizontal, shibari suspension, running 22 gage IV Catheters in each forearm, letting him spin utilizing a Petzl Swivel and bleed out onto the canvas. For the second piece we ran 18 gage IV Catheters in each of my arms, let them bleed out as Derek helped smear it all over my body to then leave an impression on a smaller canvas. That piece now hangs in his home in Chicago. We’re such twisted fucks.

Also received my new autoclave, a Tuttnauer 1730 ValueKlave, yesterday. That evening I set it up in the kitchen and ran my first two batches of instruments. My urethral dilators and Van Buren sounds are now pouched and sterilized. I’m really happy to finally have an autoclave at home. It’s a lot easier then scheduling time to use my buddy’s at the piercing shop.

Safety First!

Integrity, Fidelity & Service

16 October 2007 11:07

MineIntegrity, Fidelity & ServiceSeattle, WA — People often ask me what the collar around my boy’s neck means. Collars mean different things to different people and are wore for a variety of reasons, but I can share with you what it means to me, what it represents to my family, and what we hope to convey to our broader communities.

My collar is a symbol of the special relationship I share with the boy wearing it. It is the representation of a relationship built upon the principals of integrity, fidelity and service to oneself, our family and community of friends. It is as much a reminder to me as it is to him of the commitments we have made to each other.

Any boy who wears one of my collars understands that personal integrity is the foundation of this commitment. He must at all times adhere to the highest of moral principals. This begins by being honest with himself and those of us around him. There is no compromise on this point. The truth cultivates trust and any lie or omission that steals the truth, diminishes that trust.

Loyalty and faithfulness to one’s word through action are the hallmarks of fidelity. This isn’t about buying into some heterosexual social construct of faithfulness; I don’t ask that my boys are monogamous. I do, however, expect them to be true to their word, maintain their commitments and remain fiercely loyal to their convictions and our family.

I think it is also important to point out that the collar is a traditional symbol of a service relationship. I was brought into the BDSM community by what most would consider an old guard family and my family now, while changing with the times, shares many of the common values embodied by that history and tradition. With that said, I encourage a sense of service in my boys. I expect them to service themselves first, through hard work, training, education, creative expression and community involvement. Next, I expect them to service our relationship and family by investing their time and energies. Then, together, we contribute our talents to organizations that support our broader community.

Even among the boys who have sought to wear my collar, few have had the wherewithal to live up to these expectations and even fewer have gotten past a collar of consideration (a trial period). But for those who do, in addition to these commitments from me, they are given offered my guidance and protection as well as the support of my entire family.

I have been truly blessed by my relationship with Derek. He is my alpha boy in every respect. Over the course of the past year plus, he has earned a special honor. The collar he wears is one with history. It is the collar I earned and wore years ago as I began my journey and had the value of these principals instilled in me.