10 December 2008 21:18
About seven years ago, I collared my first boy. His name was Chris. Ours was a connection unlike anything I had ever felt. He was the first boy I ever fisted and I was the first to fist him. We built an unprecedented level of trust; we were fluidly bonded. Our play had an intimacy and intensity that I couldn’t even begin to describe. I fell so in love with that boy, I realized I had never been in love before.
During our second year together, we even got matching tattoos, Kabalistic representations of the energy that attracts and binds soul mates. I got mine just below my left deltoid where the armband identifying a Dom would be placed and he got his just below the right indicating his place as my boy.
After our third year together, Chris decided that the leather/Sm scene and our D/s relationship were incompatible with where he was in his life. He made the choice to part ways to go on a journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth. I un-collared Chris on Jan 3rd 2005 and never saw or heard from him again… until this morning.
Apparently the energy that attracts Chris and me is strong indeed and our paths were destined to cross again. In part because the boy’s journey has brought him back to the scene and he is learning once again to embrace his kinky side. It was also brought about by the notoriety built of my ‘art film’ performances and involvement in the leather/Sm community. He reports being approached several times by people inquiring about his tattoo. “You know that’s the same tat Tony Buff has,” asking, “are you a fan?” To which he’d reply, “Something like that.”
I responded to his message with open arms. Truth is, not a day has passed since I first met him in that sweaty Vancouver dance club through today that I have not thought about him. He has been in my mind and in my heart every day without exception. And, I am as much in love with him today as I ever have been.
Strange how true love is at its core, unconditional. Nothing done in this world can change its nature. Our relationship was always based on open and honest communication. He never did anything to disrespect me so there was never any animosity. I understood he had his own journey to take and that mine was taking me in another direction.
I don’t know where this will lead, but I’m glad Chris has reached out to me. I hope we are able to rekindle something of our connection. Our relationship has enriched my life greatly and I would welcome having him back as even a small part of it.
On a side note, I’m currently on a flight back to San Francisco for a series of meetings with one of the major studios to discuss the options moving forward in my ‘art film’ career. While it should come as no surprise that I’ve been very happy with both the work I’ve done with Titan and the relationships I’ve developed there, it’s important that I explore all of my options and determine the best course of action that will support both my personal goals as well as the impact my boy Derek and I hope to bring through the depiction of BDSM on screen.
I’m sure I’ll be returning to Seattle tomorrow with much to think about and even more to share with Derek when I get to Chicago for our demo at the Hole on Friday.