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There's Something Special about the Relationship between a boy and his SirSan Francisco, CA –- There is something special about the Sir/boy relationship. I am specifically reminded of this fact this weekend because I am in San Francisco to judge the International Leather Sir/boy and International Community Bootblack contest. And, of course it doesn't hurt that my boy Derek (photo right courtesy of Rich Trove) has joined me from Chicago for the weekend.

There are many archetypical Dom/sub relationships in the leather/Sm scene. In the men's community the most common I witness are Sir/boy, Daddy/boy and Master/slave relationships. In truth the nature of these relationships are as varied as the individuals involved in them, but I have come to recognize some generalizations common to those who self identify as being part of these relationships and my experience in two of the three.

To be honest, I have no experience in a Master/slave relationship and the concept seems contrived to me. Perhaps this is because I'm ethically opposed to the prospect of one human being owning another, the fact that it is now illegal in most of the civilized world or my inability to (in)voluntarily submit in such a manner has left me lacking an understanding. So, I've opened myself to learning more about this type of relationship from those who have experienced it and will not comment on it further here until I can write more intelligently about it.

I do however have some experience within the Daddy/boy relationship, most recently as one of Dave Lewis' boys before he died several years ago. In many ways my brothers in the Dragon Clan who were collared or given a medallion by Dave still feel in service to him and will always know him as Daddy. Each of us have grown from his guidance, learned through our play with him and been grateful for his presence in our lives.

The hallmark of the Daddy/boy relationship, in my experience has been mentorship. As a boy, Daddy for me was an elder, wiser, more experienced and capable man. He was the patriarch of the family. He was the one we turned to for advice, counsel, comfort and support. Daddy was the one that taught us about community starting with the family as a foundation. For all these reasons I have a deep respect for the Daddy/boy relationship. I have been a good, if perhaps mischievous boy in my time and trust I will, in time become a Daddy in my own right some day.

I have far more experience within the Sir/boy construct of the D/s relationship. When I earned my collar nearly twenty years ago (have I really been doing this thing of ours that long?), it was in this type of relationship. It wasn't my collar at first of course. It belonged to a man I respected and trusted enough to place myself in his charge. He wasn't my Daddy; more like an uncle or senior officer, which stands to reason. Ours was more a military/Sm family than a leather/Sm family. All of the immediate and most of the extended family were either prior service or currently serving in the Navy or Marines.

Our common experience in the service carried over to our family dynamic. Doms were like commanding officers, alpha boys were like Staff NCOs and I took my place as the 'newbie' learning as much as I could about this new world of Sm.

While I will not go into all the details here (the ravages of AIDS in the late '80s and early '90s tore many loved ones from those of us who lived through those years), but when Uncle Mike passed on, the collar was left with me.

It took ten years for me to transition from that orphaned boy with a collar in his hands to the one with the skills and confidence to top my own scenes. It would be five more years and almost as many boys before I found the boy who now wears that collar.

There's no doubt, Derek is mine. We are clearly in a Dom/sub relationship, but what is the nature of that relationship? Some have suggested we are Master/slave. This isn't accurate. I would not be so presumptuous as to call myself Master and Derek is a man in his own right with a voice in even our relationship. Am I the Daddy? Perhaps I am to some boys just coming out into the scene but not to this boy. Derek is in fact older than I and in many ways more experienced in the leather/Sm scene.

To me, the term Sir is more a salutation than a title. There is about as much chance of me becoming a Leather Sir title holder as there is being knighted by the Queen Mother. Again, I fall back upon my military and early Sm experience. When you hear me call someone Sir it emanates from an interpersonal respect for the character of the individual and the contributions they make to my community of family and friends.

When Derek calls me Sir, it warms my heart and lifts my spirit like no other term of endearment. Here is a boy as worthy of being a peer as any brother who has voluntarily placed himself in my charge. There is a mutual trust and respect here that allows for great collaboration, shared exploration, individual growth and intense bonding.

There's Something Special about the Relationship between a boy and his SirYes, the relationship between a Daddy and his boy is special, but there is something exceptional about the relationship between a boy and his Sir... at least in my experience.

I'm happy to be here this weekend as we celebrate that relationship, the time honored tradition of bootblacking in our community and a renewed focus on making the International Leather Sir/boy and Community Bootblack the players' titles.

My fellow judges including Alex Dunlop, Woodie Barnes, John Pendal, Ms Kendra, Sir Mike Russell, Queen Cougar, Nikitas Chondroyannos, Mr. Marcus Hernandez, and Master Mike Zuhl (pictured above courtesy of Rich Trove) have a daunting task ahead of us.